Suave, Dulce, Se Va La Vida Mía

mjolkk:

oh my god i’m at the grocery store and there is a guy in the frozen section who is tweaked off his balls on some kind hallucinatory drug. 

i’m in the next isle meowing softly through the cereal boxes where he can’t see me and he is losing his shit pulling pizza boxes out of the freezers and yelling that he needs to save the popsicle cat 

am i a bad person  

(via glowstickdick)

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

(via belle-et-sebastien)

obesealpaca:

When an employee at the McDonald’s drive through asks me how I’m doing, I always ask them back, just in case they need someone to talk to because you never know

Those fries could be salted with tears

(via derpghost)

postosuchus:

mleting:

I wish I could say alsdjfaowiegjsldkfjsfd in real life

ever heard of icelandic

(via solidasarock)

dysenterygay:

omg in english i found out how to make word talk and it was dead silence and all of a sudden my computer was like

anal

(via belle-et-sebastien)

squiiiije:

In Flo-Rida’s song “Low” he states that Shawty is wearing the apple bottom jeans, the boots with the fur AND the Reeboks with the straps, what is she some kind of four legged morph woman? In all honesty I’m not surprised the whole club is looking at her 

(via seattlescrewball)

bike-nesmith:

“EPIC WIN!!! TROLOLOLOL FAIL. :DDDD”

(via what-is-this-i-dont-even)

problempacifist:

gapingfurnace:

napoleon bonaparte

more like napoleon BORN2PARTY

(via belle-et-sebastien)

daisyfairy:

daisyfairy:

earlier i watched a porn video where it started with him promising he’d pull out and then they had sex and he didn’t pull out and at the end of the video it had the girl pushing a pram down the street and bumping into him and shouting at him because he never pays child benefit

i didn’t know pornhub made sex awareness videos

i’m serious look

(via belle-et-sebastien)

thorhead:

do you think when johnny depp agrees to be in a movie with a different director he goes home at night and tim burton is just there with his face pressed against the window and johnny has to close the curtains to avoid feeling guilty

(via what-is-this-i-dont-even)

detectivewho:

dblaksle:

guys remember when Lemony Snicket filled an entire page with evers? 

I do.

Who cares about the page filled with evers? Lemony Snicket just made two whole pages black.

He don’t give a shit.

sp0radic:

how the hell are they gonna put the pizza planet truck in brave

(via belle-et-sebastien)